Resentment

Today I want to talk about RESENTMENT …

that icky feeling of bitterness … the feeling that you’ve been (or are being) mistreated in some way … something’s not equal … something’s unfair …

That “must be nice” feeling …

In the last while, I’ve started learning about the Enneagram, which basically outlines nine personality types … 

I am a One … Ones struggle with anger in the form of resentment … 

Just KNOWING this … and ACKNOWLEDGING this is super powerful … 

It’s part of my DNA … it’s how I am wired … how I was “knit together” in my mother’s womb (to quote Psalm 39:13) … 

Knowing this means I can move from “what’s wrong with me” and “why do I feel such harsh feelings towards my loved ones all of the time” … to “it’s part of who I am” … 

THEN, I can move from accepting that “it’s part of who I am” to being THE BEST VERSION of “who I am” …

I am inclined to be bitter … inclined to feel resentful … KNOWING THIS has inspired me to figure out what to do with these icky inclinations when they pop up … 

… at meal time when I’m the only one prepping food …

… in the morning, when I’m the only one getting kids and bags organized …

… trying to work with three kids present when others get to do their work in peace …

… someone mentions we’re out of cat food, and I’m the only one who does the shopping …

… a grown man leaves his clothes beside the laundry hamper for the 8 millionth time …

I’m sure you get the idea … and it’s likely you could create your own (MASSIVE) list of resentments as well …

Here’s what I’ve come up with to address my natural tendency towards resentment …

1. NAME IT … more recently, when I catch myself feeling resentful, I just NAME IT … I say it aloud … “I’m feeling resentful right now.” More than likely, I’ll hash out why in an effort to get to “the bottom of it.” Then … I …
2. DETERMINE WHAT I CAN CHANGE or CONTROL … it’s possible I’m feeling resentful about a situation or circumstance that I have NO CONTROL over … some essential paperwork or some important bills to pay, for example … these are MUST DOs and they are outside of “my circle of control” … it’s also possible that there is something I CAN change or control about the situation … ask for help, delegate, or quit, for example … 
3. Finally, I take a minute to turn my heart towards GRATITUDE (and AWAY from bitterness) … I just take a minute to stop and look around, giving thanks for all I have.

I share this today, because I TRUST that you’ve battled your own feelings of resentment in your time … you may be harbouring some sort of resentment RIGHT NOW as you take a minute to read this piece …

It’s not serving you though … and it’s certainly not serving those around you either …

Resentment is ugly … and it makes US ugly … 

1. NAME IT
2. FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE or CONTROL
3. then TURN your heart TOWARDS GRATITUDE 

Go ahead and give it a try … what have you got to lose … besides those HORRIBLE feelings of resentment???