So when it comes to my children, I sometimes NEED a break. This occurred to me again late last week. By midweek Big M was driving me crazy. Now, be mindful of my current state … my mhusband is away at school right now, so it’s just me and the kids. ALL. DAY. LONG. No 6:00 relief (a.m. or p.m.). No evening helper. Just me and the kids.
So Big M was in one of her delightful question every single little thing in life “moods.” Each simple request was counteracted with a “Why?”
Me: “Big M, please put your boots on the shelf.”
Big M: “Why?”
Me: Deep breath. I hear my mother: “Because I said so.” What I should have said: “Because that’s where boots belong.”
Multiply this simple circumstance by … I don’t know … 100 times?
Add in a little whining, a couple of fits, maybe the odd snotty voice, forgotten manners, and a sprinkle (no, a good dollop) of pushing the mommy boundaries. Ugh. Mommy … is … DONE.
My best efforts to be patient and understanding (and not thoroughly irritated) fail. I actually become a little afraid of the mommy Big M is turning me into. So I do the unthinkable (because I don’t want to be THAT crazy, totally lose my mind Mommy I am so terribly scared of – the Mommy who yells, the Mommy who spanks) … I book Big M into daycare for the day. The thought of spending another day with her truly sickens me.
I actually drove her 55 kilometres into town, came back home, painted the bathroom (to justify my need for childcare, in case anyone asked … a whole ‘nother topic), then drove another 55 kilometres to go pick her up at the end of the day, then back home again (if you’re calculating, that’s 220 kilometres or two plus hours of driving). Now, that in itself might grant me some sort of “Crazy Mommy of the Year Award.” Who in the hell would do that? A truly desperate mommy. Someone who desperately NEEDED a break.
No question, I love Big M … I also love listening to music, reading, writing, and organizing stuff … and just as I need a break from these things, I sometimes need a break from Big M too. That day away from Big M (and a few days with Daddy around after that) helped fill up my patience and understanding pot again. Yesterday, Big M was sick (throwing up a handful of times). Her vulnerability, her feebleness, her desperate need for her mommy helped fill the pot a bit more.
I’m refreshed, ready to be the best mommy I can be again. I’ve fallen in love with my little girl again.