Making Pizza

It’s 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. I decide I am going to make a homemade pizza for supper. I’ve been wanting to do this for quite some time, but haven’t had the courage. 

Here’s how making pizza goes in my house …

Get out the pizza kit, the meat, the cheese, the onions, the pineapple, the green pepper, and the mushrooms. Wipe a snotty nose. Put a pacifier in a baby’s mouth. Remind a little girl to cover her mouth. Mix the dough. Let the dough rise. Prepare a snack for Big M. Get a pizza pan out. Open all the canned goods. Tell Big M not to cut herself on the can. Provide samples from each can for Big M. Wipe a snotty nose. Wash hands. Crank up the swing’s music. Burp a baby. Put the baby back in the swing. Tell the baby I love her. Listen to a baby cry. Spray the pizza pan with Big M’s help. Tell Big M we’re not going to Grandma’s. Listen to Big M cry. Burp a baby. Spread the dough on the pan with Big M’s “help.” Big M washes the bowl in sink. Spread the sauce. Little M cries louder. Burp Little M, again. Feed Little M. Burp Little M. Get in a fight with Big M about eating stickers. Big M gets a timeout in her room. Little M plays on the floor for awhile. Try to get Big M to understand why we aren’t “going somewhere” (she’s had three full blown fits so far today, as if I have any desire to take her somewhere). Put Little M back in her swing for a nap. Wipe a snotty nose again. Tell Big M I love her. Put Sleeping Beauty on for Big M (let’s face it, I NEED her to watch a movie right now). Slice some onions. Put a pacifier in Little M’s mouth again. She spits it out. Again. Spread some onions. Burp Little M again. Mushrooms now. Little M squawks some more. I burp her again. Meat now … spread a few slices of ham. Pick up Little M. Hold her. Spread some salami, pepperoni, a few peppers, and some pineapple. Try the swing again. Little M wails. Settle Little M. Shred some cheese. Spread some cheese. The pizza is made. Two. Hours. Later.

It’s no wonder I loathe cooking sometimes …